ABOUT SUSAN ALLAN:
Susan Allan is America's leading Marriage and Divorce Coach, a certified mediator and is the creator of Marital Mediation, available through http://www.thedivorceforum.com.
Allan is the author of Divorce, The Marry-Go-Round, or How to Save your Money, Your Sanity and Your Life and 101 Divorce Secrets, A Survival Guide.
10 Survival Secrets# 1: Consult privately with your accountant or financial manager BEFORE discussing divorce with your spouse. It is essential to know your own financial position in the event of divorce before making your desire for a divorce known to your spouse.
# 2: Consult with a successful divorce attorney BEFORE discussing divorce with your spouse. This can prevent crucial errors and save a great deal of time and money during any divorce.
# 3: Do not leave home before you and your spouse have a signed separation agreement. If you are in danger, follow your attorney's instructions carefully.
# 4: Know the Divorce Danger Signs:
- Whispered conversations
- Concealed cell phone calls and bills
- Secret travel plans
- Sudden weight loss
- Unpaid household bills
- New wardrobe
- Unexplained gifts
- Feathering the nest
- Love letters you never wrote
# 6: How to identify a 'Terrorist Marriage':
- A spouse who abandons the home, leaving the family destitute
- A spouse who falsely alleges child abuse, separating and splintering the family;
- A spouse who violates the boundaries of family members, either through verbal or physical violence.
- What is causing my spouse's behavior?
- How may I protect myself, my children, my pets?
- What should I do when I feel afraid?
- What is the safest way to leave the marriage?
# 8: WARNING SIGNS OF A DIFFICULT DIVORCE
- A spouse with nothing to lose
- You come from different social strata and have different standards of behavior
- Your spouse has access to a free attorney
- Your spouse has courtroom expertise as an attorney or expert witness
- Your spouse has paralegal training or previous divorce experience
# 9: Prepare Yourself and Your Children
By: Earl Johnson, Ph.D.
- Have you sought advice from a domestic violence professional?
- Have you entered marriage coaching or counseling or family therapy?
- Did you alert family, friends and coworkers not to interfere during an argument with your spouse unless you request it or if you are under immediate attack!
- Immediately engage a family attorney and seek advice regarding the effects of spousal abuse on the outcome of your divorce, custody and alimony details. Most often, violent abuse takes place within the home or work place.
- Enroll yourself and your children in martial arts or self-defense training from the experts or attending classes on how to respond to an attack. If you have already participated in these classes, you must follow-up with constant training and education or you may fail in your attempt to protect yourself and your children from a violent attack.
- Train your mind to be alert, practice escape routes, establish a plan to escape, live by the code, and be prepared for anything, anytime and in any place.
- Get to know your neighbors and exchange phone numbers. However, do not assume that the neighbor will help you and not your spouse or that the neighbor will believe you and not your spouse!
- Join your local neighborhood Watch program. In this way, you will meet people that are concerned about their own safety and protection and will be the first to assist you. Attend local meetings that are provided by local authorities and educators, understand the term crises management and how it may benefit you in your quest for safety and home security
- Learn first aid and CPR and have any teenaged children trained with you.
- Private detective/body guard
- Women's shelter phone number and address
- Personal physician and cardiologist
- Local hospital directions
- Locksmith with 24 hour service
- Moving/storage company
- Rent-a-truck information
- Family members for children/pets emergency drop-off
- Emergency equipment including car, suitcases
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